Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Agent Profile - Gretal

Ok this is the Duck. Taryn came and got me, and asked me to fill you in on Gretal. I had intended to get around to her in a bit, but times being what they are.

First of all, I wouldn't worry too much about Gretal. She's extremely dangerous. For those of you who haven't met Gretal she has a visible age of about 13. She was created as part of a governmental breeding program in the future. As such she is brilliant and a bit scary. Well a lot scary at times.

This is going to sound scarier than it is, but she has an inability to, on an emotional level, empathize with other human beings. On an intellectual level she is capable of understanding that other human beings have feelings, but on an emotional level she can't quite grasp it. When me and Madrigella extracted her from Child Research Station Zeto and we realized her condition, Madrigella got a copy of some work by the philosopher Kant. I'm not much for philosophy, but apparently it did the trick, because she started acting like a kind and gentle person, instead of a barely restrained psychopath.

I'm told that Gretal's condition is akin to sociopathy. Madrigella, however, says that it comes from a completely different source and can't be treated the same.

For my part, I took her to the Zoo, which she didn't like, and introduced her to the Simpsons, which, after a little while, she did like. I did not introduce her to my favorite pursuits, as she is only 13.

Intellectually, however, she is about 32, and at that she's probably a damn sight smarter than any of you. I know she's smarter than me (not that that's saying much. I've always relied more on charm than brains). Anyway whoever approaches her, do so carefully and identify yourself clearly as a member of the Rogue Elephant Society.

For those interested in stats, here they are.

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