Friday, June 18, 2004

Agent Profile - Lady Saturday

Hello all, this is the Duck. I was a private investigator in Maui when ole' Oliphaunt picked me up. He and the Dragon Lady sent me all over the world to recruit people for this little bar-b-que we find ourselves in. And now he's asked me to prepare some profiles on the people I collected for him. So we'll see how this goes.

First person is a member of the Mangey Unicorn Society. One of the first I recruited, and, like many of you all, initial investigation left me with the conclusion that she was a nothing more than a legend. Than I found her and found that she was much more.

She's about 5'2", shoulder length black hair (when down, which it almost never is), slender, almost frail body. She dresses in subdued blacks and greys, but never with any noticeable style. One of her favorite sayings is "Style gets you killed."

She won't talk about her child hood - closest she gets is a mention of working alongside the diggers in 68 or so. She found her way into a couple of different revolutionary groups, but personality differences made such experiences short lived. Instead she began working alone and very quietly, very meticulously. She's a planner.

Here's her MO. She finds a corporation or government group acting like pinheads. Maybe they are abusing their workers. Maybe they are endangering the populous. Then she finds good blackmail evidence on the people making the decision. If she can't find it she creates it. This process, determining guilt and fixing the evidence, can take up to a year.

Then she plants a bomb on the premises (often, if possible, she takes a job at the place she plans on destroying). She makes a call about 30 minutes after the plant closes and makes two demands. One for money (even Revolutionary Saboteuses need to eat) and one to end any crap the company is pulling. They give in nine times out of ten, and the tenth time, well, you read about it in the papers. Usually her bombs are set up to cause maximum hassle and stoppage with minimum danger. She's an ethical bomber.

She told me, over drinks (well I was drinking. She never drinks, apparently), that "Too many revolutionaries forget that the system is made up of people and machinery, and it's safer, easier and more rewarding to smash the machinery and leave the people alone. Plus then you can sleep at night."

Anyway I found her and talked to her. She met with Oliphaunt and he explained the world to her. I'm not sure how he convinced her to join with us, as it strikes me her whole life has been a rebellion against the world the Ascended have created. I heard rumors he and the Ice Queen took her on a tour of the other time friends and she saw how much worse it could get. I gather, from other talks with her, that he promised we'd try to do something to get the ascended to be a bit better to the common people. I wonder how patient she will be with him and how much he really intends to do.

Course it occurs to me that she might be reading this, and if so, I hope she won't take anything personal. Just doing my job.

Here's some more statistical information, for those interested.

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